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Happy St. Patrick’s Day to all of those who hold true and dear to their 1/32nd Irish ancestry! Today is a day for celebrating and drinking, even if it is a Tuesday night. In honor of today, I’ve decided to take a break from my usual job of commercials and cereal box coverage, and instead investigate your favorite college town to find out where fortune can be found. These are the three luckiest places around College Park that you should go to today!

1. Testudo’s statue

This first location should be no surprise to any lad or lass who has needed a good string of fortune. Whether it be for a midterm, a speech about a poorly researched topic, or the chance that the girl you talked to last night at Cornerstone was giving you her actual number, a quick rub of the nose should have things in life go your way. Be aware that out of all the statues around campus, my personal research found that the one in front of Gossett Hall is actually the one with the highest rating on my luck-o-meter. Why you may ask? Well, definitely not because it has anything to do with its proximity to athletics. Those guys could really use some luck right now. Don’t question how it works — just go there yourself.

2. 251 North Dining Hall

Nothing screams the joy of luck like entering this fine establishment nestled into Denton Community. Luck is all about chance, probability, the unknown. 251 North offers that experience when you grab a plate and make yourself a meal. Will it be top quality cuisine that could rival a restaurant? Or will you be receiving low-tier dog food that will have you poisoned and out of the classroom for days on end? That is for you to find out. Also, there is a possibility when going that you will see a magic man called Darryll Pines. If you encounter him, you will receive a little good luck charm to pin on your shirt that wards away the evil spirits of the Armory basement. What, not exciting enough? I couldn’t think of anything more I’d want from the president of us all. Anyway, head on over and take your chance.

3. Looney’s Pub

Lastly, we move our scope off of campus ground and onto the chaos of Baltimore Avenue. Looney’s offers the ultimate experience to really celebrate what St. Patrick’s Day is all about: getting wasted with your friends and meeting strangers over a hearty pint! To get a better scope on what’s in the air in that place, I went on my own “recon mission” to see what it’s like inside. I don’t remember much of what went on, but I woke up outside on the sidewalk the next day feeling like I was in another reality. I could see shamrocks, rainbows, and red balloons in the sky! 10/10 would recommend. The hangover was a little nasty, but totally worth it. What was I talking about again? Oh right, yeah the true luck is in all the fun you’ll have inside. So I hope to see you there tonight, because I definitely will be.

I hope this guide from yours truly helps you navigate the luckiest day of the year with some important spots to make pilgrimage to. Now don’t waste a second of your time, get out there!